The Secret Behind the Secret

The movie The Secret has caught on big time. It’s fantastic! The law of attraction really works ...  and ... did you know that there is another secret behind the secret? If the law of attraction is like the motor that makes your car run, then this secret is like the gasoline that powers the motor. As a teacher and therapist I have watched as people over the years have been to excited to discover the law of attraction, only to arrive at the painful conclusion, "It doesn’t work for me." The law of attraction does work, and like the motor of your car, it takes gas to make it run. You may be wondering, "What gas?"

The fuel we need to make the law of attraction work for us is self-love. It may sound simple, and it is, yet it is also so often skipped over. During my 30+ years as mental health professional, mother, foster mom and spiritual hypnotherapist I have concluded that no matter what is in your life that isn’t working, the answer is self-love.

Think about it for a moment. This fuel is so powerful that throughout the ages religions have lectured us about self-indulgence, selfishness and reminded us that we are sinners who need to repent. Often times our families and teachers, subject to the same lies, have taught us that to want for ourselves is to be greedy. If we care about how we look, we are conceited, praise ourselves and we are self-centered, put ourselves first and we are selfish.. The bind this programming puts us into is this: we want, but wanting makes us selfish and we like to get, but getting makes us greedy. Not getting causes resentment and jealousy and so, either way, we don’t deserve. The feeling of not deserving is the opposite of self-loving. This may show up in obvious ways in our life, or in very subtle ones and don’t be fooled, it’s the subtle that holds the greatest power. When we are not aware of the belief or pattern that is driving us we think we are in control, but it is really the subconscious that is driving us.

So how can you tell how full your self-love tank is? Take this simple quiz.

1.Do you often have a gut feeling that you don’t want to do something, but do it anyway, just to make someone else happy?

2.If you make a mistake, is your self-talk critical or understanding towards yourself?

3.Do you enjoy quiet time alone, or do you need the TV, radio, iPod, etc on?

4.Do you like your own company?

5.Do you give yourself time for self-care (for example, reading a good book, taking a bath, meditating, going for a walk) and feel like you deserve it!

6.Do you spend more time congratulating yourself on your accomplishments or more time judging yourself for your perceived failures or inadequacies?

The more supportive your answers are toward being positive and self-nurturing, the greater your self-love is. Of course the opposite is also true. So what can you do if you have more No’s than Yes’s and more judgements than praise? The first step is awareness. So now that you are aware, remember that we most often treat our inner child like our parents treated us - until we break out of that mold. Think of it in this way, you are the parent of your inner child and everything you say to yourself, you are saying to that child.

1 Imagine the face of your little boy or girl when you begin to criticize

Yourself….do you really want to say those things to that child?

2. Take time to ask the child within "What makes you happy?" …listen to the

answer and begin to do those things.

3. Keep a picture of yourself at a young age by your bedside and every night look

into the eyes of your little one and give her or him a kiss and say with meaning,

"I love you. You deserve to be happy."

4. When you do something nice for yourself and the voice comes up that says

"You should be doing something productive" or "You should be doing

something for someone else." Remind yourself that taking care of your inner

child is being productive and that this child is the most important person in

your life.

An inner child, a child that knows he or she deserves happiness, deserves to have her/his dreams come true and knows that you love him/her will be your greatest asset in attracting into your life all that your heart desires. Loving this child is loving yourself. Love yourself and doors will open for you!