Self Empowerment - What is it and How it is Lost

We hear a lot about self-empowerment, but what does it really mean and when we work so hard to obtain it, how come it’s so easy to lose? Just in this past week I’ve heard the comments “He never asked me out on a second date – what’s wrong with me?” “I was laid off. Why me? I gave so much, now I’m devastated.” from people whom I consider to have pretty healthy self-esteem.

Self-empowerment is located in the chakra (energy center) of the solar plexus. Its color is yellow and you might think of it as the sun of your energy system. Just like the sun provides power to the earth, this center is the generator of self-esteem and self-empowerment.  When someone gives you a compliment, you get the job or the date you wanted, you feel power come into this part of your body, but when he or she doesn’t call, the job is given to someone else or you are criticized you can feel the power drain from the solar plexus.

I remember an experience I had several years ago when I gave someone my power. Many weeks after a major disagreement and end of our relationship I saw her and my solar plexus felt like a toilet bowl having all the energy flushed out of it! Although I tried to stop it, all attempts made by my mind were useless as I watched and felt my personal power drain out of me. I decided that I did not want to live like this and so began my journey of understanding power and how it is gained and lost. To find the answers I was seeking I had to first know what self-empowerment is.

Self-empowerment-my definition: Feeling full of your energy, trusting your feelings and your decisions, feeling happy with yourself and your life, being authentic and doing/saying what is right for you.

  “As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live” – Goethe

I had to look at why and to whom I was willing to give my power to. No one and no situation can take away your personal power unless you give it to them. Some of the reasons why we are willing to give it away are:

  1. Insecurity within the self. If I am insecure in who I am, I will give my power to those whom I perceive to be better than me is some way

  2. Guilt or shame - I will give my power away to those who either know what I have done or those I am afraid will find out those things about me.

  3. Lack of trust that the self knows what is best for me - trouble making decisions and giving power to those who criticize or don’t agree with me.

Giving your power away to others may cause you to feel angry with them or yourself, act in passive-aggressive ways, blame others and ultimately feel disempowered, shameful or badly about yourself.

Three things you can do to build and keep your personal power are:

  1. Equality - In your mind imagine anyone whom you see as better than you in an everyday situation like shopping, cooking, sitting on the toilet or making their bed for example. This puts the person you elevate on a human level – we are all the same with the same needs.

  2. Build self-love and respect for yourself - There are many ways to begin this process. Choose to speak your truth to someone you have been afraid to express your feelings to, decide to do something you have been wanting to do or walk standing tall while telling yourself that you are beautiful, powerful and just as good as anyone else. Take action - no matter how uncomfortable it may make you feel at first as it will help you to grow your empowered self and soon feel more and more comfortable until it becomes your normal way of being.

  3. Awareness – as you change your behavior notice what old voices, beliefs and programs come to mind or disturb the cells of your body. Know these are only old beliefs and energy and are not what is true about you. Make a list of positive affirmations and say them daily, connect with your inner child and go to deeper levels in your subconscious world to release these negative patterns.

  4. Humor – This is my favorite way of keeping in personal power. If you find that you give your power to someone or situation, make it into something you can laugh about.  For example, I had a foster teen who was excellent at getting me to feel guilty and give him my power – I finally saw him like a fisherman casting his lures and trying to catch me. After this when he tried his manipulations I could laugh inside. Once in a while he would succeed at hooking me and I would think to myself “Oh you got me that time!” and not give it anymore power. It became a game instead of something that controlled my personal power.


Remember: “If you do not control your energy, someone else will.” – James Hughes

One way to release the energy that steals your personal power and strengthen your self-esteem is to listen to these guided journeys, found at the Store:

I Love Myself

The Past is Over

Increase Your Magnetic Energy